


I've About Had It With The Stakes On This Claim

by redstapler



Category: Staged (TV 2020), The Good Fight (TV)
Genre: 2020 may as well be its own character in this, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Gen, I am not a lawyer, Oh no there's two of them, mentions of the pandemic, not sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redstapler/pseuds/redstapler
Summary: Samuel L Jackson walked away.But he's about to make everyone else say they've about had it with these motherfucking stakes on this motherfucking claim.
Relationships: Marissa Gold & Maia Rindell, Michael Sheen & David Tennant
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	I've About Had It With The Stakes On This Claim

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HimereCalliope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HimereCalliope/gifts).



Marissa got home from the Virgin Islands right before everything went to hell. Practically literally. She and Jay arrived back at O’Hare late at night, at that “last flights coming in” hour where all airports feel like the end of the world. But the bits of CNN and Fox News she caught as she walked to the taxi line made that feeling... _more._ She got home and changed into pajamas, but was still so tired that she fell asleep phone in hand.

Instead of her alarm, the next morning she woke up to Lucca calling.

“Hello?” Marissa slowly sat up, relieved to find her water bottle full and on her bedside table. She opened it and started chugging. Flying always dried her the hell out.

“Marissa! Where are you?”

“Home? Where else would I be?”

“Oh thank God. I was worried you and Jay would get stuck at the airport.”

“Stuck at the airport? What? Why?”

“Shit has gotten absolutely crazy at the international terminal.”

“It was a ghost town when Jay and I went through last night. We didn’t have to go through customs, we weren’t down there long enough. Anyway, you sound crazed, what’s up?” Marissa finally looked at the time on her phone. “Lucca, Jesus, it’s 6:45, what did you need to tell me that you had to call me this early?”

“They’re going to send an email out shortly, but uh...the office is closing.”

“What? Is this about the layoffs?”

“No, it’s about...the virus.” Lucca whispered that last like she was afraid to name an evil out loud. The “end of the world” feeling Marissa had gotten from the news screens on her walk out of the airport returned.

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah. Anyway, just wanted to give you a heads’ up in case there was anything at the office you’d need at home.”

“I don’t think so. There’s definitely half a sandwich I left in the second floor fridge that might grow fur and legs before we get back. When do you think we’ll get back?”

“I have no idea.”

“Woof. I may end up with a fully sentient sandwich. Ugh, what a shitshow.” Marissa got up and started making coffee. This wasn’t the first time she’d faced the end of the world, but if it really was happening this time, she was going to face it with a cup of coffee in her hand.

_Four Months Later_

The world, in fact, did not end, though sometimes Marissa wished it had. The firm had transitioned to entirely remote so quickly her head spun. They were all on laptops anyway, so what did it matter where they were? Instead of the sourdough-scented Netflix binges her friends were enjoying, she was kept hopping with work. STR Laurie decided they didn’t want the PR hit of forcing Reddick, Boseman, & Lockhart to go through with the layoffs, and so life just kept on keepin’ on.

And then, a very peculiar breach of contract case was filed.

All told, it wasn’t the weirdest case to cross the firm’s threshold. But it was definitely strange. On its face, it was a pretty standard bit of corporate contract work, nothing fancy. But it seemed there was a bit of...context to the case that jammed up the gears.

And then there was the matter of the defendant’s counsel…

* * *

“David? Are you listening to that song again?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I am.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit morbid?”

“Morbid? No.” The “no” stretched out over so many syllables, Georgia knew he wasn’t intending to lie to himself, let alone her, but was giving it a merry try anyway. “It just...It just really sums up the year, you know?”

“It’s only July yet! You’re not wrong, though. That said, we agreed I have to check on you if I hear you listening to it more than three times in an hour.”

“I know. Have a listen with me?”

“You know I can’t stand that man’s voice.”

“I know, but it’s so cathartic.”

“It is that, you’ve got me there. Let’s hear it, then.”

David pulled his headphones out of the aux port on the laptop, just as we learned a girl named Cathy wanted a little of his time. A dark look passed over David’s features, and Georgia patted his shoulder sympathetically.

“I know, I miss her, too.”

“I haven’t really heard from her since we did that bit for Red Nose Day. I should give her a call.”

“You should. You should also stop listening to that song.”

“Yeah.”

The music was cut off by the jaunty rhythm of an incoming Skype call.

Michael.

Michael? They hadn’t a rehearsal today, had they?

David frowned as he clicked the green phone icon.

“All right, Michael!”

“It is not bloody all right, David! That...that... _American!_ ” Michael made being an American sound as horrible a thing a person could possibly be. “That American is suing us.”

“What?” 

“I’ve just heard from my solicitor over there. Well, I’ve heard from his associate. Apparently she’s the public face of the business these days. Something about a fall from grace and an unfortunate lollipop addiction, I didn’t quite catch it. Anyway, Sam is suing us.”

“But...Simon said he was done with us? Never wanted anything to do with us again?”

“That’s what I thought, but apparently there’s some legal rigmarole that needs sorted out, and that includes suing us.”

“What?”

“What what what, you sound like a bloody lightbulb, David. Oh, is that Georgia behind you? Hello!”

“Hello, Michael!” Georgia smiled over David’s shoulder, ready to beat a hasty retreat. She knew she’d be getting a Skype from Anna any moment if this lawsuit business was for real. She grabbed David’s coffee and scarpered.

“So, a lawsuit,” David began. “I didn’t realize you even had an American solicitor!”

“Had to! Lived there long enough, Lily grew up there. So, legal representation was occasionally required. You’re going to love him. A bon vivant mad genius. And his associate is quite the firecracker, herself.”

“Michael, focus. Why are we being sued?”

“Well, we’re not being sued quite yet, but they’re threatening. They’re angling, David. They’re plotting. We need to take a stand.”

“Michael--”

“ _We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets!_ ”

“Do we need to go full Churchill if they haven’t filed papers yet?”

“Now is the time to do it! Get out ahead of it!”

“Did your solicitor’s associate say exactly why we were being sued, and not say, Simon or Jo?”

“It sounds like we were all named.”

“Wh...then why haven’t I heard from my solicitor?” David suddenly felt extremely adrift, a feeling he’d become quite familiar with over the recent months.

“Sounds like you need an American solicitor. I can recommend--”

“I’ll see how I like them when we talk.”

“What’s this ‘we’?” David scrubbed his face in frustration.

“Michael, may I please join your next call with these solicitors?”

“Yes, David, you may. They wanted to talk to you, anyway, seeing as you were the go-between with Sam for some godforsaken reason.”

Fear crept up David’s spine, and he wasn’t even sure entirely why. “Is there a timeline for this madness?”

“Ah! Yes. They’re east coast on the US, so keep your evenings open. Also, maybe be prepared for some really early mornings. I’m never quite sure when the meetings will get set, but his associate keeps more reasonable hours.”

“What are their names, anyway? ‘My solicitor and his associate’ sounds like something out of a mafia movie.”

“Ha! They’ll enjoy hearing that.”

“Please don’t--”

“Their names are Roland Blum and Maia Rindell.”

David couldn’t place either name, but Michael said them with the gravitas usually reserved for people with “Sir” or “Dame” ahead of their names. 

Somehow, that wasn’t any comfort at all.

* * *

After advising someone who might have been Melania Trump (and the jury was still quite out on how real that had been), Lucca felt like she’d hit her capacity for surprise at what this job could throw at her. A case involving Roland Blum, Maia Rindell, Samuel L Jackson, David Tennant, and Michael Sheen-- a man who seemed, after a quick Google, disconcertingly like Blum’s clone-- definitely became her new limit. 

She stared, her brain refusing to comprehend the attendees list on the 2 o’clock call on her calendar. 

_You got a second?_ Lucca Slacked to Marissa.

 _For you? Always!_ Marissa typed back immediately.

Lucca hit the phone icon, and Marissa’s face appeared on her laptop screen right away.

“Hey Lucca, what’s up?”

“So...I just looped you in on my 2 o’clock meeting. I think I’m going to need you.”

Lucca hit forward on the Outlook invite, and heard the notification when Marissa got it. She watched Marissa’s face, waiting for her reaction to the list of people.

“I’M SORRY, WHAT.”

“No! I know!”

“Lucca, what is the case even?”

“A referral from Bianca. A referral I wish I’d turned down!”

“What could a divorce case possibly include that cast list for?”

“Oh, that’s the best part! It’s not even a divorce!”

“But...you’re the head of matrimonial?”

“I’m the head of matrimonial, but I’m also the head of keeping Bianca a happy, retainer-paying client. So that means going off-specialty sometimes.”

“Yikes.”

“It’s not usually this bad? Either I can hand it off to corporate or something, but…”

“You couldn’t really do that here.”

“I couldn’t do that here. Not when I heard who the opposing counsel was.”

“What can I do to help?”

“I’ve forwarded you the documents I have. I told Sa--...Mr. Jackson he didn’t really have a case since he was the one who walked away, as it were. But he wanted me to, and I quote, put the fear of God into them.”

“He didn’t know who Sheen’s lawyer was, did he?”

“Why would he?”

“What a mess. I’ll see what I can dig up on the project and the project he left for. And anything else that might be helpful. See you at 2, I guess?”

“See you at 2.”

The vidchat window closed, leaving Lucca alone with her thoughts in the increasingly less ad hoc workspace in her living room. She needed more coffee. 

* * *

2 o’clock found Marissa doing yoga breathing, seated on the floor in front of her coffee table, laptop open and on. Maia was the official host of the meeting, and Marissa eyed the “waiting to be let in” screen, honestly wondering if she was going to be kept out for spite.

Moments later, she was let in, and found herself staring at the Brady Bunch opening sequence from hell.

Lucca, she knew. Maia and Roland, she knew. David and Michael she recognized, having been handed a copy of Good Omens at summer camp one year and remaining a fan thereafter and delightedly binging the show in a weekend. Samuel-L-motherfucking-Jackson, of course she knew. Well, not knew, but recognized. She assumed the exasperated Black woman and the anxious White man in the other two squares were Jo and Simon, respectively.

Fuck yoga breathing, Marissa was now hyperventilating. She could hear her father yelling at her all the way from eastern Europe at the idea. Bold face names she could handle. The sheer concentration of chaotic energy on this call was an entirely other story.

Everyone stared at each other for a moment, some unsure where to begin, while others were trying to intimidate the other side. Finally, Lucca took point.

“Right! Well! Let’s begin. Assuming everyone read the legal letter I sent around, we can dispense with the pleasantries and get right down to it. For those of you who are on UK Time, I’m going to do my best to get you off the call and back to dinner with your families as fast as I can.

“Mr. Jackson reached out to me about a week ago seeking damages and a written apology regarding the matter of his being cast in, then, if you’ll pardon the expression, cast out of Six Characters in Search of An Author by Luigi Pirandello.”

Shockingly, it was Jo who reacted first.

“Cast out? Is he bloody serious? He left to take a part in a movie, then tried to get back in when the movie got cancelled! And damages? He’s the one who damaged the rehearsal process, constantly ringing me and Simon and then David! Cast out. Horse shit!”

“Jo,” Blum began. “May I call you Jo? While everything you say is true, these proceedings will go more smoothly if we all wait our turn.”

“Excuse me? Michael, who is this wanker?”

“My apologies, Jo. He’s my American solicitor--”

“And associate!” David chimed in.

“Yes, and his associate. He’s an acquired taste for sure, but he’s effective. I promise.”

Jo crossed her arms. “He’d better be.”

Upon hearing Roland Blum described as “an acquired taste,” Lucca and Marissa had to mute themselves, as they were both laughing too hard. (If we’re being honest, Maia had to do this, too.)

After twenty minutes of bickering, often resulting in the defense weakening their what should have been airtight case, Blum did what he did best: he created a distraction. He became a nuisance.

Using a tactic he’d developed over the weeks of Zoom chat depositions, he signaled to Maia to mute everyone else on the call, which she did.

“Ezekiel 25:17,” Blum began. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.--”

 _Oh my god_ , Marissa Slacked to Lucca. _Is he doing what I think he’s doing?_

Blum went on reciting.

 _He is. I feel like maybe I should have expected this?_ Lucca replied. _Someone,_ _somewhere, has this on a bingo card._

 _In SLJ’s presence or not, though?_ Marissa asked.

_Oh, that’s absolutely worth an extra fifty points._

_...That’s not how bingo works, Lucca._

“...And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you," Blum finished.

Maia had unmuted everyone, but the group remained caught in a stunned silence. Finally, Samuel L Jackson spoke up.

“You know what? Fuck this, I don’t care. I’ve got Marvel money, I’ve got Capital One money, I don’t need bullshit who the fuck’s heard of Pirandello money! I don’t need any of this. Lucca, thank you for all your assistance, send me an invoice at your earliest convenience. David? Michael? _Bafangool_. Good bye.”

Samuel L Jackson clicked off the call, the square he’d occupied suddenly going dark. Everyone stared at that square for a moment, stunned to silence.

“Right,” Jo, once again, was the first to speak. “If that’s this sorted, I’m going to ring off and go do literally anything else. Simon, don’t call me, I’ll call you. Lovely meeting you all.” Jo blipped away, also leaving a blank screen in her place.

“Blimey, he really could speak Italian.” David blinked owlishly at his screen, then took another pull from his mug.

Marissa started. 

“Excuse me, are you drinking from a mug with your own face on it?”

“Oh for the love of...Fine! Yes! My mum bought it for me and I like drinking from it, okay?”

“Jeez, sorry, didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”

“Sorry to snap. Emotions are just a bit high at the moment. All right, I’m going to log off as well. It’s been a gas, everyone.”

Everyone else said their goodbyes except Michael, Roland, and Maia. They were having a conversation entirely in references and allusions, and she was equal parts fascinated and worried she’d need to keep an eye on them. They seemed as likely to plan a bank heist together as they did catch up on each others’ lives.

“...that’s the thing of it, you know? David’s afraid of me, at the end of the day. I fostered that fear, sure, but he had that little spark of it when we met. I just had to blow on that small ember to make sure it caught.”

“Oh, I bet you did, you wanton you!”

“Now, now, I don’t kiss and tell, that’s your schtick, not mine!”

 _My god, there’s two of them,_ Maia thought to herself with a shiver.

“Weren’t you telling me that the two of you were at loggerheads constantly?”

“Well, not constantly, but poor Jo had to call in a favor to get us the come to Jesus talk of the ages.”

“Let me guess. McKellen.”

“Worse.”

“Hopkins.”

“Worse.”

“Did she summon up the ghost of Olivier?”

“I honestly would have preferred that, no. She had Dame Judi Dench give us a talking to like none I’ve ever received. Well, none that I didn’t have to pay for, anyway.”

“My god! I can only imagine how tight my pants would have gotten.”

“It was a fight between that and wetting them, honestly.”

“So how’d you sort yourselves out, anyway?”

“Battleships, it’s the only thing that gets us out of our blasted heads. No pun intended.”

“Always intend your puns!”

“I should. Well then, it’s getting on towards ten here, so I’m going to go spend the rest of the evening with my wife and enjoy not being sued by Samuel L Jackson.”

“That sounds like a fine idea. Maia and I are going to head to the gentlemen’s club and get wasted.”

“No we’re not, Blum,” Maia interjected. “There’s still a pandemic happening. Mr. Sheen, it’s been a pleasure. I hope you have a lovely evening.”

Not bothering to wait for a reaction from either men, Maia passed host controls to Blum, then left the meeting. She found herself thinking about Blum’s last question for Michael, and kept thinking about it as she made herself some tea.

* * *

Later that evening, Marissa was watching the GPS on the site she’d ordered dinner from. It was a Tuesday, and that called for tacos, dammit. The margarita she was nursing wasn’t doing her too badly, either.

Just then, her ChumChat notification bleeped, so she tabbed over to that. 

_**Maia Rindell:** I heard from a madman that differences can be settled from playing Battleship. This year is putting things into perspective for me, and I’d like to make amends if I can. Or just let you absolutely destroy me in this online game. Either works. http://en.battleship-game.org/id6242320_

All during the meeting earlier, Marissa had eyed Maia with the confidence of plausible deniability that could only be afforded by a nine person Zoom chat. Sure, Marissa had been looking at her, but Maia’d had no way of knowing that.

Marissa took a deep breath and contemplated her next move. She thought about what an absolute shitshow the year had been, all the ways it had touched her, and even the ways it hadn’t. She supposed she could do worse than play an internet board game with someone she’d once counted as a friend.

 _ **Marissa Gold:** You're a little early, you know. _ _Yom Kippur isn’t until the end of September._

Marissa let Maia sweat for a second.

_**Marissa Gold:** You’re on. Lucky for you I’m terrible at this game._

By the time Marissa’s tacos arrived, she’d beaten Maia three times and was honestly starting to feel glad she’d accepted this very odd olive branch at the end of such an odd day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for requesting such wonderful fandoms!
> 
> I started 2020 with marathoning the first three seasons of The Good Fight, so rewatching for my canon review made it fitting bookends for my year. I had a lot of fun imagining what these characters would be like interacting with each other. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you have a wonderful Yuletide!
> 
> Thanks so much to my beta readers, peacat and seekingferret!
> 
> Playlist
> 
> Sometimes A Pony Gets Depressed - Silver Jews  
> How Can I Love You If You Won't Lie Down - Silver Jews  
> Bring It (Snakes On A Plane) - Cobra Starship  
> You're My Best Friend - Queen  
> You Were Right About Everything - Erin McKeown  
> Handle With Care - Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins  
> evermore (feat. Bon Iver) - Taylor Swift & Bon Iver  
> Right Back Where We Started From - Army Navy  
> This Year - The Jordan Lake Sessions Volume 1 - the Mountain Goats  
> The Plague - The Jordan Lake Sessions Volume 1 - the Mountain Goats  
> I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Live - David Byrne  
> All Will Be Well - Gabe Dixon  
> This Too Shall Pass - Danny Schmidt  
> 2020 - Ben Folds  
> This Too Shall Pass - OK Go  
> Better Things - Dar Williams


End file.
